Wednesday, October 12, 2011

There's a good chance I will be voted the spokesperson for The National Association of Sofa Spuds

I'm taking a quick break from Europe (while I get the rest of my pics in order) to tell you about the past month:

It all started when I was joking about not having fit into something since 7th grade. My mom says, "maybe you will by Christmas" all cryptically, and I'm thinking "what the heck is happening between now and Christmas that will result in me morphing into a teenage girl?!?!?" It sounds extreme. Then she says "you remember, we all agreed to a lifestyle change"

as a side note: we cannot say diet anymore because we have too many body conscious family members (I believe P now eats raw broccoli for breakfast). so, we have to go on these life-style changes instead. It may sound better but it amounts to the same thing-LESS SUGAR and LESS FUN!!!

well, I'm thinking "no, actually, I don't remember, though you think I would considering my current definition of fruit is a Skittle".

So next up L tells me no more desserts at lunch! She says, "we are not doing that anymore". By now, I'm a little weirded out. Where was I when everyone decided to be so healthy?

The straw that broke my back was when O told me Diet Coke (which I just decided to get into) is not actually that good for you. This is O we are talking about! When has he ever encouraged me to do anything other than eat candy and drink Dr P nonstop?!?

So, a month goes by and I try not to think about how I really need to do a little working out. I do switch from Diet Coke to Perrier (it helped that I first burned off my taste buds by downing a bottle Listerine (bit my lip) in three days. The first time I tried the Perrier I thought, wow this tastes exactly like Coke! This is no longer the case)

Then one day, winded after 15 min of practicing my party tricks (which is another story entirely) I panic and decide something must be done. Who knew I had become so torpid?! So when a friend invited me to her light aerobics class, I was all too ready to commit. (I thought this would be the perfect way to get back into the workout world, after all, my friend is 8 months pregnant.)

So last night was the workout class. I trotted my lovely workout shoes (this was probably their third time getting out in as many years) out the door and to the church.

Confident and more than a bit pleased with myself, I start high-stepping it to Justin Bieber.
About 3 min in, I'm thinking "Oh no, my sports bra is too tight and I can no longer breathe!"
at 5 min I'm feeling it but determined to push through.

After 20 min, the warrior master (who was a perky little blonde) gave us a water break. By now I'm thinking "the pot pie was a really bad idea but I'm sure this is almost over, I can last 10 more minutes!"

Crawling back on the floor, my punishment started up again.
I began to modify my moves ever so slightly (I was absolutely going to keep up with my pregnant friend). Though my movements were smaller, I (kept telling myself I) had way better technique than the energizer bunny in front of me (a bouncy girl in a pink sweatsuit showing me up by doing all the moves would have to stand right in front of me). I started worrying if I would be able to stand long enough to give the CHEM 105 lecture the next morning and thinking that maybe I should have stayed home and tried out that new PedEgg thing.

After 40 min I realize there is no way I can take a drink of water or it will end up all over the floor (nauseous as I was) so I just crouch down and dream I'm in a desert for the entire 30 second break. I actually considered going home but as I had driven everyone else, I was pretty much stuck.

I wobble back to the floor for the cool-down, trying to control my rolling stomach.
Imagine my surprise (and horror) when Bieber comes back on! I'm like "is this woman crazy?! Is she trying to kill us?!" I'm pretty sure the American Heart Association recommends 30 min, not an hour, of cardio a day!
I did not want Justin Bieber's voice to be the last one I heard, so, I slogged along-just waving my arms a bit and bending my knees ever so slightly for the jumping jacks. When she pulled out some new combinations I let myself look completely bewildered to explain my jumbled movements-this was not difficult as I really was starting to feel dazed and confused.

Finally- and not a minute too soon as I was in series danger of swooning- the music stopped and she sat on the floor.

And now for the cool down.... which of course turned out to be a killer ab workout. Though I really wanted to join in, my wrist injury held me back and I was forced to do some light stretching :)

I felt just like I did after running the mile and a half in 10th grade gym-a blotchy wretched mess. It turns out, working out is shockingly abhorrent. I lugged myself home and could do nothing but lounge on my bed the rest of the evening. At least, I had absolutely no desire to indulge myself in any late night snacks!
Amazingly enough after such a harrowing night, I am just fine today, not sore or still at all. I suppose that means I'll have to return on Thursday.

Of course, no exercise post is complete without some uneducated cats

The moral of the story: Good Health is as elusive as the Holy Grail. We'll just have to see how long my search continues.

Next up-a semi-nude massage in Budapest...


Kristy said...

You are so hilarious. I could just see you at this class. I am very proud that you stuck it out. I do think that you might consider getting an inhaler as it will make the workouts so much easier. Maddie has become a new runner with hers!

Liz O. said...

Maybe we ALL need inhalers. I feel like I need one right now with the ab workout you just gave me from laughing so hard that it brought tears! And the rumor is true that P eats that stuff in the morning. It always LOOKS so appealing the way he makes it, but I eat my pancakes with white syrup next to him in defiance, anyway. Pretty sure I know who will lose the buffness tests, though. Sigh.
So totally impressed that you plowed through the brutality!

Kristy said...

White syrup is delicious! I have Tina B.'s recipe.

Jesse said...

Bets, you're so funny. I love the blog revamp!