I figured if I put saltine crackers as the backdrop then I would probably get tons of new readers. So I go to the template design page and sure enough, there is a saltine cracker backdrop-I think I'm onto something! Additionally I found a font called "Unkempt", which happens to be a word I spent several minutes pondering last week. It turns out it is a word and, as a font, is hard to read.
Welcome to my new life.